The Bachelor Recap: Zen With Ben

Season 20 | Episode Four

So, if you’ve noticed (or care), I wasn’t able to post a recap for last week’s episode. I was too busy dying, and by dying, I mean I had pneumonia, and by pneumonia, I mean I had a cold that was kicking my ass.

Anywho, I think we can summarize last week’s episode with the following:

• Lauren B. is ridiculously adorable.
• Ben’s back is nothing but freckles.
• Olivia and Jubilee competed for the title of “Public Enemy Number One” and I’m giving the slight edge to Olivia, but only because this was the first episode in which we got a taste of Jubes’ crazy, and Olivia’s been on the crazy train the entire time.
• Lace isn’t as crazy as we originally thought, and after watching The Bachelor Live aftershow, I actually ended up rooting for this girl. Who would’ve thunked it? Glad she made the wise decision to leave on her own and work on herself.
• Besides Lace, I can’t remember who else went home, and don’t care enough to search for them.

Now that I can breathe through both nostrils and not wasted on NyQuil, I can recap week four! Yay! Don’t get excited all at once now.

The ladies are off to Las Vegas! Sin City! And they are WAY too excited to visit, as Sheldon Cooper put it, “America’s Urinal Cake.”

Baby, You’re a Firework

JoJo is up for her first one-on-one date. Ben and her flew around Las Vegas in a helicopter, which knocked over the table which caused the champagne bottle to break into a million pieces but all JoJo was worried about was how her hair looked, they made out awkwardly with headsets on, and finished the night off with a rose and fireworks. They’re cute together, but I’m bored.

Pity Hugs and Sex Panthers

The group date was all about hidden talents and surprisingly some of these women actually had some! Jubes can play the cello, Lauren B. can juggle, Caila can slightly hula dance, and Olivia can make a complete fool out of herself. But we really didn’t need her to pop out of a cake and dance on stage pretending to be a showgirl to prove that point. She does it every time she opens her cakehole. (Pun intended.) She realized quickly how uncomfortable she made everyone in the audience (and the viewers at home) and received a “pity hug” from Ben, then proceeded to have a full-on Kelsey panic attack. Don’t worry guys! She’s OK.

A few things I learned later that evening:

• Caila is a sex panther.
• Lauren B. missed Ben, like a lot.
• Little Ben is much bigger than Lauren H. expected.
• Olivia was not so “Zen with Ben” this group date, so Lauren B. gets the rose!

Going to the Chapel and We’re Gonna … Marry Couples?

The doorbell rings and Becca is given a huge white box, inside the box a wedding dress to wear on her first one-on-one with Ben. She put it on, and it fit her like a potato sack. She met Ben at one of 39420 wedding chapels in Vegas, where he got down on one knee. Poor Becca, the look on her face when he asked if she would marry… other couples with him because he is now ordained to do so, was priceless. The girl really thought he was going to ask her to marry her, and then she could be a virgin no more! I’m kidding, I honestly respect her decision to wait. It’s refreshing to see that given the world we live in today. And Ben tells her he’s digging the commitment to it as well, and she gets a rose!

#TWINNING No More

In a twist, Ben asked to have a two-on-one with the twins—Haley and Emily. Thank goodness! One of them is going home! Now I no longer have to pretend I know which one is which! Thanks, Ben! In the end, Haley was sent home. Well, not really sent, because, well she’s already home and now her mommy can wipe her tears! That’s right, Ben had a hometown visit and it’s only the fourth episode. Who knew Ben was such the disruptor?

Ben said it’s because his relationship with Emily seemed to progress more than with Haley. But he’s not fooling us, we all know the reason! I mean did you see last week how Emily handled those balls! (Soccer balls, folks! Geez.) She was an awesome goalie, even broke her finger while doing it. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Olivia’s Apology Tour of 2016

Per usual, Olivia was the highlight of the cocktail party. She interrupted another girl’s time to speak with apologize to Ben AGAIN for her showstopping performance. But Ben is all, “STAHP! Your self-deprecation is adorable.” And all is well again in Olivia Land, and she goes into the rose ceremony as happy and confident as ever. I will say however, Ben needs to stop giving the last rose to Olivia, you’re not saving the best for last. Unless Ben secretly enjoys watching her squirm, and if that’s the case I like him even more.

And on that note, we say goodbye to Rachel, and our old friend Amber. Chin up Amber, there’s always Bachelor in Paradise! (Again.)

Next week, our young ladies are going to Mexico! Hope the ladies brushed up on their Spanish, so they don’t end up a GIF like the lovely Megan.

via GIPHY