The Bachelor Recap: Fifty Shades of Crazy

Season 20 | Episode One

Bachelor Nation, it’s that time again. The time when we are introduced to the new bachelor and his group of “young ladies,” at least that’s what the new (and one of the most sincere ones we’ve seen since Sean Lowe) bachelor, Ben Higgins, kept calling them.

Say what you will about The Bachelor, but with a total of 20 seasons, it’s clear viewers still tune in, whether it’s because they are hopeless romantics and love to watch the “journey,” or they simply can not get enough of the crazy drama. And let’s be honest, the crazier the better, amirite?

Before we dive into what happened during the premiere, let us take some time to discuss Mr. Higgins:

• Ben, 26, is from the small town of Warsaw, Indiana, where he played basketball and was the quarterback (of course he was) of his high school football team.
• His parents are ridiculously adorable and supportive, and have been married for 30+ years!
• Has a fear of being unlovable.

Cheer up Ben, one of the 28 ladies want to prove you wrong! But before you get to start your journey ABC insists that you sit down with a few past bachelors—Sean Lowe, Jason Mesnick, and Chris Soules—while they give you some advice. I didn’t hear one bit of it, the only thing I could focus on were the sweat stains on everyone’s shirt.

Top Moments from The Bachelor Premiere

Unicorns, mini-horses, and roses, oh my!
Joelle (“JoJo”) exited the limo in a creepy unicorn mask, telling Ben that, “Unicorns do exist, and I’m yours.” That’s one way to get a man’s attention, scare him. It must have worked, JoJo gets a rose. Maegan, on the other hand, thinks the way into Ben’s heart is through her mini-horse, Huey. But three’s a crowd, she’s sent back home the first night. Mandi, who took a page out of the book of Kaitlyn Bristowe’s Opening Lines, comes prepared with her own rose, a rose headband that is. Tells Ben, “maybe you can pollinate it later,” but before any “pollinating” can happen, she insists on giving Ben an oral exam. (Shudders.) She’s a dentist, guys! And apparently he must improve his floss game, but for now, he gets to keep his membership to the “No Cavity Club” and she gets a real rose.

Lost in translation
Shushanna didn’t speak a word of English, if she did, we didn’t get to see it, and still got a rose. Is Russian the new language of love? Don’t answer that.

Ghosts from The Bachelors past
Oh, hey everyone, it’s Becca and Amber again from Chris Soules’ season. The ladies are less than thrilled with the new competition and think it’s “unfair,” “they already had their chance,” etc. But Ben doesn’t seem to mind and they get to stick around another week.

Lace wears a dress made of… lace
I think someone laced (see what I did there) the girl’s wine glass. After ambushing poor Ben by the limos giving him his first kiss of the season, she attempts to get a better one later in the evening. Ben turns her down and says he wants to take things slower, one of his best decisions of the night. Unfortunately, keeping her around another week was also one of his worst. Word of advice to anyone who plans on dating this girl in the future, don’t blink, maintain eye contact at all times. I think the adorable Caila summed it up best when she said “fifty shades of crazy,” after Lace pulls Ben aside after the rose ceremony and calls him out for not looking at her once while passing the roses out.

And the first impression rose goes to…
After telling Ben that she left her job to find love—because you know, she’s the first one to EVER do that, except for maybe Rachel who’s unemployed but still had money to buy a hoverboard—Olivia, a former news anchor and winner of the “Best Cheekbones” gets the first impression rose.

By the end of the night we said goodbye to seven ladies:

Breanne, who thinks gluten is Satan; Isabel or “Izzy” who decided to wear a onesie; Jessica from Florida; Laura who lost Ben the second she told him her nickname was Red Velvet; Lauren R., at least that’s what we think her name is, since she never really did introduce herself even after being asked her name 3402348 times, but she could probably name the last meal Ben posted on Instagram; Cowgirl Maegan, but I think we should petition that #HueyForBachelor, if not only for him stepping on a girl’s dress; and Tiara, the chicken enthusiast, who at least she has her chickens to go home to.

And that’s week 1! One down and too many more to go! Feel free to share your thoughts on the episode, the new bachelor, or if anyone else thinks the twins are Chelsie Webster’s (from Juan Pablo’s season) doppelgangers!