Pop Culturalist Chats with All I Wish’s Susan Walter

Susan Walter’s path to her directorial debut is a lesson in perseverance and proof that hard work does, in fact, pay off. When she started her career, she took a job as a second A.D., coordinating shoots with the cast and crew. It was a role that she realized wasn’t satisfying her creative juices—one she would later channel when she began writing her first feature film, All I Wish, a story about an aspiring fashion designer who struggles to find success and love—but for a variety of reasons, it would take over thirteen years before she would utter the word “action” on set. Pop Culturalist sat down with Susan to chat about All I Wish, how she pushed forward, and the struggles many female directors face.

PC: Tell us about All I Wish and how you created the concept for this film?
Susan: One of my all-time favorite movies across any genre is When Harry Met Sally. What I love about the story is that it follows two characters and how they come together over a long period of time. So often with romantic comedies, you don’t really get to know the characters as people, so it can feel less satisfying. Taking that as an inspiration, I wanted to create a story where we meet two mature people and we understand how they come together for many years.

I decided for the film that it would happen once a year on her birthday because I thought that was a great cinematic device for her being surrounded by family and friends so you see the same characters over and over again. You see the pressures and influences on her life. Birthdays are kind of a self-reflective time, so you get to sort of beat yourself up if you’re not where you think you should be or take some satisfaction in having achieved something in the last year.

PC: It took thirteen years from when you finished the script to when you first stepped on set. Is that typical, and how did you find the strength to persevere?
Susan: It’s not atypical. I think I’m on the longer end of the spectrum, but perseverance is everything. When you’re a filmmaker, a writer, an actor, you really get, like, 98% “no” as an answer. You don’t know when that 2% “yes” is going to come. I just really believed in the story. It was something that I knew that I wanted to do. With each “no” you learn something: something’s not working; you’re not going to the right people; it’s not the right time; whatever it is, and I think the universe rewards perseverance. Some people may call it stupidity, but I just kept going.

PC: The lead character was initially intended to be much younger. Can you walk us through that decision to make that change? What was the rewrite process like? Was it difficult?
Susan: That’s a great question because I had written the script and I had an actress who was maybe 31 at the time attached. The big birthday in the movie was her 30th birthday, as if that was, like, a big scary time…and, I guess if you’re 29 it is, but I’m not 29. If I was being completely honest, there was a part of me that was like, “Am I really telling the story that’s most meaningful to me now?” As luck and faith would have it, I had offered the role of the mom to Sharon Stone.

She loved the script. So when it fell apart with this 31-year-old actress, she called me up and she was like, “Don’t let this movie die. Let me be the lead character. Let me come of age at fifty. And A: you’re doing something kind of groundbreaking that nobody’s done. And B: I really want to do it. I feel close to this character and I understand what she’s going through.”

And so, when she signed on, I had a moment where I looked at the script and thought, “Oh, she’s going to playing a character in her 50s. I can’t have her playing beach volleyball in a bikini…like, that’s not appropriate.” So, I asked her, “What do we do instead?” She was like, “What are you talking about? I want to play beach volleyball. How old are you?” At the time I think I was 45 or 46. She was like, “Would you go play beach volleyball?” I’m like, “Well, yeah.” and she said, “So, stop being so full of self-loathing and understand that you’re not dead yet. You still have fun and we can still do these things even though we’re not 25.” I felt a little bit schooled, but in the best way possible.

PC: What parallels are you able to draw from your own journey and the main character in the film?
Susan: Oh my gosh, everything! I came into the industry as a second A.D. So I took the assistant director training program, which gets you ready for the job. Then I was working as a second A.D. on big movies, smaller movies, TV shows, in a largely managerial positions. You’re telling people what time to come to work and where the set is. I was kind of dying a slow death doing that job. I think I was unhappy and unsatisfied. When I started playing with this character, in a lot of ways it was kind of autobiographical in the sense that I went back into that space where I was doing a job that really didn’t suit my strengths. I did it because I was afraid to take a chance and trying something super hard and super scary.

Writing that character and writing about her self-sabotaging behavior—the drinking, the smoking, the sleeping with inappropriate men—I unfortunately can claim to have done all of those things. I was really a victim of being a creative person but not living a creative life. So, I was able to sort of take that emotional truth and layer it into the script and, honestly, I think that’s what Sharon really responded to. She understands what it is to kind of self-sabotage, and she wanted to play it.

PC: It’s your directorial debut. What has your experience been like in this traditionally male-dominated profession up until the point that you made this film?
Susan: It’s really hard. As a woman, people are reluctant to hand over large sums of money. I know plenty of men, for their first film, they received eight times as much as I got for my film. I made a film for just over a million dollars, but you look around, and there are tons of men that are getting eight to ten million dollars for their first film or more. It’s a stigma about a woman being able, not necessarily to do the job, but to manage that amount of money and manage that big of a crew. I think we’re all still pushing up against that. Even though it’s my first film, you can trust me with as much money as you would a man.

PC: Did you feel any added pressure?
Susan: I felt the pressure of: can I actually do it? The one thing that I was concerned about more than anything actually was the stamina that was required, like, could I be on my feet for twelve hours plus a day? Was I going to be able to sleep at night because my brain was so full of ideas or regrets? You know, all those things that churn around when you’re trying something new. I was really most worried that I would kind of mentally and physically breakdown, but actually, the opposite happened. The stress that I felt putting the movie together just melted away and I felt that I was in the moment. I was really my most powerful self when I was doing the job.

PC: What do you hope that fans take away from seeing this film?
Susan: What I’m really pleased with is what people who’ve seen the film have been saying to me. We did a screening of the film in Houston, Texas, and a woman came up to me right after the screening. She was crying and she said, “Thank you so much. My two kids just left for college, I just went through a painful divorce, I’m almost 50, and I find myself really alone. I never really had a career and I really thought my life was over. I saw this film and it feels good to find a character who doesn’t get her life together until she’s 50. She doesn’t find love until she’s 50, she doesn’t find a career that lights her up until she’s 50—and it made me realize that I have plenty of living yet to do.” She was so emotional and so full of gratitude. I realized that it was really a powerful experience, because even if just a handful of people feel a renewed confidence to try something new then that would be really satisfying for me as a filmmaker.

Pop Culturalist Speed Round

PC: Guilty pleasure TV show?
Susan: Stranger Things but only because I just binge-watched the whole thing.

PC: Guilty pleasure movie?
Susan: Pretty Woman! I’ve watched it more times than I can count.

PC: Favorite book?
Susan: Girl With the Dragon Tattoo—the entire series of them, which I binge-read in four days.

PC: Favorite play or musical?
Susan: Favorite musical is Guys and Dolls because I was in it with Matt Damon in high school, so it holds a special place in my heart. He was one of the lead roles and I was a hot-box girl.

PC: The last show you binge-watched?
Susan: I’m currently binge-watching a Netflix show called Alexa and Katie. I love the actors in it. I love Paris Berlec’s brave performance of Alexa, a young woman starting high school with cancer. I’m really moved by it and I think she’s hilarious.

Make sure to follow Susan on Twitter and catch All I Wish in select theaters and on Amazon or iTunes.