Exclusive Interview: Monika Casey and Tom Arnold Discuss the Divorce Party Podcast, Removing the Stigma Around “The Big D,” and Much More

Every week, Monika Casey and Tom Arnold, our enthusiastic hosts, extend a warm welcome to guests who share their one-of-a-kind divorce experiences and the inventive ways they commemorated their uncoupling. The Divorce Party podcast is an enthralling listen that captivates audiences while simultaneously erasing the societal stigma associated with “The Big D.” Pop Culturalist was fortunate to speak with Tom and Monika about Divorce Party, discussing how the podcast injects a fun and positive perspective into the courage and eccentricity required to end a marriage, and more

PC: Monika, you and Tom met over coffee and discussed the divorce party that you threw. How did that conversation ultimately lead to the creation of your podcast?
Monika: Tom had actually never heard of a divorce party. I threw mine at a karaoke bar, invited all my friends to sing their favorite breakup songs, and then I puked and made out with a stranger (not sure in what order). I really felt that other than signing my divorce papers, I needed a bigger sense of closure, like a ritual. I wanted to celebrate my next chapter in life. When I told Tom about it, he loved the idea, and I promised to throw him his own epic divorce party worthy of the magnitude of all four of his divorces.

Tom and I always felt Divorce Party could be a show of some kind where people could come together to celebrate the changes that take place when a marriage ends. We casually chatted about it for a couple of years, but as the SAG/AFTRA strike seemed imminent, I felt inspired. I called Tom and basically said, “We’re doing this.”

PC: Tom, there’s still so much stigma associated with divorce, but the two of you are shifting those notions and perspectives with this podcast. Why was that so important to both of you?
Tom: There’s stigma around a lot of things until people talk about them. Divorce is very common, but it’s also considered a failure. A failure of the most important relationship of your life in some people’s minds. You feel you’ve failed your spouse, family, friends, God but most importantly, you think you’ve failed yourself. On Divorce Party, our guests share openly and honestly about their divorce experiences and how they moved beyond the pain and shame of divorce and how they moved on and discovered more about themselves in the process. We also interview attorneys, therapists, healers, and financial planners. These people have been super helpful for me in my quest to understand myself and my relationships and heal so I can be the best 64-year-old single dad with seven and ten-year-old children.

PC: Monika, there are so many moments of vulnerability that your guests have shared with you. As hosts, how have you created the space to facilitate these authentic and honest conversations?
Monika: Each episode is completely organic. Our guests can share whatever aspect of their divorce experience that comes up. We are so grateful for the raw honesty they bring to the show, like when my dear friend Kelly Smith bravely shared how the toll of her divorce led to severe depression. In her episode, she goes in depth about the different treatments she received as a result, and how hard it was for her, coming from a military background, to admit she needed help. We never know what the theme of the episode is going to be until we are just in a natural flow of conversation with our guest and it appears.

PC: Tom, many of these guests are friends. What’s been the most surprising thing you’ve learned about one of them through this conversation?
Tom: My friends have been amazing on Divorce Party. I can’t believe how honest they are about their lives. They are also very funny. I learn so many new things about people I’ve known for years when they come on. Makes me think I should’ve asked more questions or shared more of what I was going through over the years. I’ve learned lots of fun stuff. For instance, my friend Evan Wright, the brilliant writer and journalist (Generation Kill) with whom I’m developing a scripted version of my sister’s Queen of Meth documentary series, was in a serious relationship with a porn star who had sex with 300 guys in one day. Evan was there to write about it. They got together after that. Love really is blind.

PC: Tom and Monika, a question that both of you ask your guests is how they feel about marriage now. Has your own viewpoints on marriage changed or strengthened having had all these conversations?
Monika: I feel even stronger that marriage isn’t for me and isn’t necessary in the modern world. We don’t live in the same way that our grandparents’ generation did, spending all their time together. I really enjoy my space and I prefer the idea of a relationship with someone that works into the life you already have. Maybe you don’t even live together, but you see each other a few times a week and that’s enough. A relationship where you’re just not on top of each other. You have your own things, your own friends, and then you have some things together. I do think this scenario takes a certain level of honesty, self-esteem, and trust for both parties to accept it and feel comfortable.

Tom: My friend James Cameron has an amazing marriage with his fifth wife Suzy Amis so when I told him after four divorces I was never getting married again because people would think I’m nuts he said, “Tom, no one get’s to write the end of your story but you.” I haven’t had a date in six years, but I’ve decided it would be good for my kids to see me in a healthy loving relationship.

PC: Tom and Monika, new episodes drop each week. Who can fans look forward to in the coming months? Is there anyone who hasn’t been on Divorce Party yet that you both want to have on it?
Tom and Monika: Rock Legend Corey Taylor’s episode drops in two weeks, and we have more legal experts lined up. Since the divorce rate is so high, we have a very long wish list. Sharon Stone is our dream guest, for sure!

Make sure to follow Tom (Twitter/Instagram) and Monika (Instagram). Listen to Divorce Party wherever you stream podcasts.